All the single ladies out there know that Beyonce puts a seriously positive spin on the situation. Obviously if you’re single, you’ve had your heart stomped on by some douche who could have been the one if he knew the difference between his heart and his ass hole. Once you’ve figured out how to navigate heart break, you realize how dope it is because it induces weight loss. Now you’ve got a bangin ass body and a cynical ass attitude. Note: Dudes do not flock to pessimistic, unapproachable bitches - no matter how sexy you look in dem jeans. Finally, years go by, you may or may not have doubled your fuck list, and you’re still single??? How the fuck is that possible, you may be asking yourself. There is a fine line between being the victim of a break up, and just being a single lady trying to figure shit out. I wonder if my heart’s still broke, or if i’m just lonely as fuck in need of dick. The problem is, dick is just dick. Two years post break up, dick is no longer a rebound, right? Wrong. Every dick is a rebound until the most perfect dick, who has a heart attached, shows up and realizes you’re his bottom-bitch (Definition: The one girl the pimp reserves himself for, or the player’s favorite girl). I have decided to believe that life is like any JLO movie - love at first sight, cute outfits, handsome man, perfect one-liners, and happily ever after. Now where you fuckers at??